Attempts To Reconnect

 Well, with the NFL starting, the habit of talking to my friends made me reach out to them.

There’s been no responses, but also my contact ability through alternative means has not been blocked.  I am disappointed, though it was not expected that either would respond.  I do know better then to keep spamming attempts, however.

I do feel myself potentially getting down.  So, I’m preemptively taking an Ativan and remaining positive.  It’s pretty nice to not be in the abject misery of the past few weeks.  I’ll continue to try building momentum.

I do wish I knew how they felt.  I mean, if their lives are better without me, even when doing well, then, I’d be much better off knowing that so I could move on.  But I can’t give up on the idea that we are friends and my breakdowns were just too much for them.  That makes me hope they can see an upswing is happening and maybe they would want to be part of it.

I genuinely believe it would be a big lift to have even limited contact.  It’s tough that even mutual friends are all ghosting or blocking me, too.  

The current plan is to let my doctor prescribe a more manageable anti-depressant, like Prosac.  The Cymbalta route scared me, and was wrong, at least for now.

So it goes.