Torque v. Acceleration

 Okay.  Just home from a too short Covid appointment schedule 45 minute swim, BUT I may have had a breakthrough.  Yeah, again, but c’mon.

All this time, I knew the kink I was “unfolding” or “unwinding” was complicated, a collection of helixes wrapped around my skeleton with kinks.  Maybe only one main deep one, but had developed more while growing up dealing with it.

I have been, constantly, identifying spots and trying to correct them, sometimes holding several in my mind at the same time, though often failing.  Sometimes, progress would be made.  Okay, almost always, some degree of progress was made, but I also have always known the right set of “points of focus,” likely a ridiculous number of them, properly “adjusted,” would just set everything in the right place.

There would still be a substantial amount of muscle memory to rid and create at that point, but the kinks would potentially no longer be the focus.  If lucky, they would not exist, at least not the same.

The real problem, then, was not to hold a ridiculous number of “points of focus” in my head and move them all in different directions at the exact proper moments, but to discover a new way of thinking, a new way to be, that would make “being” do the unfolding/unwinding.

I may be onto that.

I doubt it will make too much sense, or maybe it will.  I know the same terms I have used before, so it may be ripe for miscommunication.

I must no longer think of points, rather acceleration.  There are really only 2 ways I move, maybe how everyone moves, through torque or acceleration.  F=ma.  T=rFsine(insert Theta symbol).

Instead of finding points to try to move around or whatever, I must relax into movement which is acceleration based, along a helix still, but with greater acceleration and alteration along that helix to correct areas where torque occurs.

All of my pain may be based on torque.

sigh

Too frazzled to continue, but at least I got this written down.  It has been a long time since I have realized something, some aspect of this rabbit hole, potentially making things clearer, and easier to continue.  I’m happy.  Well, almost, lol.

Enduring

Things are not going well.

First, the pool closed because of Covid.  No relief from gravity pulling limbs out of place.  My only way to get any relief was through very focused jogging, trying to oscillate my core, and sometimes getting some success after an hour or more.

This did not go well for the rest of my body.  The bouncing, however slight, had arms pulling on shoulders.  The muscle memory of how to fight gravity was constantly against me.  Then, my left foot started having issues, numb toes, ingrown nails, you name it.  I keep trying, though.  I have no choice.

Some months into this shitshow, my cousin Stephen died of the virus.  He was a doctor in Virginia.  I never knew him very well as he was near 18 years older than me, but he was important to me, nonetheless.  He had been George H. W. Bush’s personal physician while he was VP, when I was just entering my teens.  I never doubted I could make something of my life because of his achievements.  I had not realized that until he was gone.

Anyways, his death hit me hard, with my own health crumbling significantly without the pool.  I have gained back weight pushing me back over 200.

Really frustrating, before the pool closed, I wrote them a reasonably detailed e-mail pointing out the ways to make the pool area safe to stay open, including aspects of the changing warmer weather that would allow usage without entering the adjacent building.  Months later (a month+ ago), our county gave the go ahead to reopen, but our facility remains closed.  They recently noted when they do open, certain steps will need to be taken that they have been working on, and yeah, it’s basically what I suggested back in February.

So, suffering significantly, I wait.

Then, this past week, our water heater ruptured.  A stream of boiling water went through the wall of the garage and into our hallway closet.  I was playing a videogame.  The water sound was not strong, and I thought my daughter was taking a shower.  The sound increased, and had done a great deal of damage by the time I noticed.

The resultant demo and construction to repair started yesterday, and has been more noise than I can handle, not to mention ridiculous worry as workers exert themselves in my home and often take their masks off.  Unable to handle it, I have been moved to my mother-in-law’s currently vacant second home.

He is lay, on the floor, alone and in pain.  I do not have my hot tub to get even a minimal relief from gravity.  I don’t have my dogs for company.  I also find I miss my yard, my trees.  I do not like being in some other neighborhood.  I don’t want to even try jogging, having people I do not know, that do not know me, see the awkward jiggle utilizing forward momentum.  I do not want to have a cough fit from a dislocation altering my chest to be mistaken for some guy entering their area with Covid.

So, I lay here, enduring, as long as I can.