Sunday, April 28, 2019

Belated Update

Okay, I am near constantly focused on keeping certain areas in place, making every other task in existence difficult.  So, that’s why the last big development was not updated before now, as the next one begins.  In case I am actually doing something good, I don’t want the last change forgotten.

The success in the right shoulder continues to snowball, as do subsequent changes to hips, chest, neck, jaw, face, and eyes.  It’s a bit overwhelming at times.

I apologize for not putting a link, but just typing is taking all effort and I do not want to stop.

Early on, I described a subjective feel of what I have been doing as being like a game where you move a metal ball UP two metal rods trying to reach the furthest point possible when it drops.  Looking back, my attention was focused on the distance moved, just like that game.

Last week, there was a change, something happening more and more often, though intermittent.  It feels like a different “game,” or toy, the one where you hold, again, two metal rods (actually one, bent at the handle, but two should be noted) and a wheel spins in between them, the wheel’s metal hub touching both rods, it travels down the rods, to a point where they hook back toward the holder, then to an end point, where the wheel reverses field and travels back.  Hopefully, I can link to it later.  Most know the toy I am writing about.

So, the primary different is the reaching of a possible endpoint and returning, almost-controlled.

I think this is a big deal, lol.  At least, I hope so.

* * * * * * * * *

That noted, the new one, just happening, is still too new to describe, but I am really getting muscle maneuvered up into the right shoulder like never before, up the back of the shoulder, then releasing muscle towards the pectorals, maybe, lol.

Subsequent changes in the hip are beginning too.

Okay, it’s early, and I am writing before prepping to swim.  When I can better articulate the new stuff, or whatever happens next, I shall.

I am excited, but I have been excited before.

Monday, April 1, 2019

I Hate Wait - A Realization Why

Much happening, but existence remains difficult, and I doubt I will write much, but this may have been a big realization.

First, I’ve known (and written) for years now that I have never really been able to relax.  The knot or whatever the fuck it is caused by my childhood injury is near always clenched or causing muscles adjacent to it to clench.  This is why I love high heat days and hate cold.  

Okay, well, I have realized that while I consciously know what relax, slow down, patience all mean, what my body actually does is clench other muscles to fight the clenched ones.  I counter the forces rather than change.  For me, slowing down and/or waiting is literally using more energy and creating more tension in my body.  It is the opposite of relaxing.

I guess “slowing down” is the easiest example.  Sure, when I want to slow down while swimming, my movement speed slows down, but it’s because I am holding myself back, doing even more work, so to speak.

As of now, I don’t see any paths to help correct this beyond my continued efforts to undo the “knot” from my childhood.  I hope the realization can worm it’s way into meditation techniques while swimming to try to actually calm down, slow down.  

Perhaps the realization is tied to the “adjustments” that have happened this winter, perhaps alleviating some of the “knot.”  That change in the knot could have been the source of the new thought, spawned by the new (to me) perception of a muscle group actually having a moment of relaxation.

I am really ready for warmer weather.

This said, the other news is that I have gotten under 200 pounds.  Yay me.  I am still at a point where I straddle the number daily, but I am excited at the prospect of starting the next stint of warm weather at or under 200, with the opportunity to get down under 190 or even 180.  

I am hopeful things may snowball a bit when the weather warms.  :)