Sunday, March 19, 2017

A Superpower Blown Away

I think what I am dealing with right now, while making me miserable, is kind of interesting.

I used to have superhuman lungs, and they served me well back when I played trumpet.  Anyways, with my innards twisted how they were, I believe my diaphragm was higher than most people, with leverage.

There is a little plastic gizmo doctors use to measure lung strength.  You blow into it, and a meter is pushed away from you, down a cone, which gives a measurement based on how far your "blow" makes it go.  I could always, even when sick, make a loud click noise with the gizmo, my lungs able to exert such force as to make the meter slam against the end of the gizmo.  I had surprised more than one doctor with this ability.

Side note - this is one of the things that made it hard for me to believe anything was "wrong" with me, teenage years onward, because it was a difference I was proud of and embraced, because I was "better" than most in this area.

I think my recent changes that lead to the seizing of back muscles (for a week now, quite painful to move sometimes) greatly reduced the leverage my diaphragm had with my lungs in the previous (though objectively wrong) position.  I think my innards dropped a bit relative to my ribs, similar to how my stomach had dropped (and expanded, instantly, to my cosmetic dismay) with previous adjustments.

The result now is I am very inexperienced with dealing with this chest cold.  I am used to very powerful lungs, even with sick.  I need to rethink everything regarding how I always handled illnesses.  What always worked for me doesn't anymore.

The moral of this change, becoming mortal sucks, or can't suck, in this instance, with respect to lung power, I mean . . .

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Too Loose To Sleep

Things are becoming very worrisome.  I am so loose, my center of gravity changes, often splits, near constantly.  It results in knots of sorts forming in my upper torso, and great pain.

It is worse when I let down my guard, when I try to relax, when I sleep.

So, I have not rested much this past week.  I have slept a maximum of 4 hours a night, sometimes less than two, and I am spent.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

So Low

Physically, I am a mess.  I am more unstable than ever, and it is near impossible to sleep.

Mentally, I have been even worse.

There had been a measure of solace in my predicament, having hope for the society around me being a decent place to leave my child.  Trump, his cabinet appointments, and his ignorant followers put that hope to rest.

I still entertain daydreams of getting better, and becoming able to fight this corporate takeover.  They don't last long.

Sure, I still make "progress," with adjustments that seem to unwind long embedded kinks, but the subsequent experiences are hours of feeling like I am balancing on a hundred pogo sticks, one on top of the other.  To relax at all, to rest for one moment, brings them crashing down and hours of pain.

I don't manage to balance on them long.

So much I'd like to write, on my situation and what I am still learning, on the rest of the world and priorities, but I'm done, in multiple ways.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Well, uh oh . . .

The local pool's summer schedule ends tomorrow, a bad sign.

I have been making progress, things too tough to explain, more movement in new places.  The shirt I wear to the pool will fit differently on the ride home.  I have been pushing things, hard.

Not sure just how many days in a row I have managed, but it's been at least 3 weeks with 2 miles or more in the pool.  I have done more kicking than ever, usually 1k normal flutter, 1k on my back.  In these, it will go from discomfort to agony to freedom to pain, the whole spectrum, often pain, but usually around 800m, I find something new, a point of focus, and I zoom with less effort and little drag and things seem interesting, at least until muscle memory takes over in my excitement and pain returns.

Anyways . . .

I wanted n update as I have written so little for so long.  I have just been in a pattern of motivation followed by concentration followed by exhaustion.

I hope I get 2 more months or so of weather where I can keep this going.  Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and start to reach a point where I can swim in the rain and cold again.  Doubtful, I know.  Last winter near killed me.

I don't want to live through that again.  Oops, no bad thoughts.

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Just a note, and it may have had a role in me pushing so hard, but my neighbor (N2, for two doors down) snapped and broke into N1's house, shot at them 15 times, then killed himself with the last bullet.  I knew him from the pool.  He was disabled, too.  He was, relatively speaking, worse off then me.  He had enough.

Fortunately, he missed my N1 neighbors.  And, he spared their dog, a great dog (we kept him the next night).  It was . . . an experience.  It left an impression.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Finally, An Exhale?

Okay, back from a long, 2 mile swim (one mile kick, one mile various strokes), and I have finally, after so fucking long, had a substantial breakthrough!  *maniacal laugh*

I managed to pull my left shoulder around, something, and it let both shoulders shift down and back a significant amount, relaxed.  It, too, allowed a greater exhale from my lungs.  Rather, the resting position of my exhale was allowed to be a greater exhaled position.  This means, all these years, my "relaxed" position has been one of a held breathe.  How fucked is that, right?

I want to write more, detailing all, but I'm kinda spent.  I will note I did about 800 kicking on my back, with much of it using the backs of my hands on the kick board, so think inverted kicking overall.  It aided the left shoulder a great deal by providing some resistance deep within the shoulder.

It's been so long since I have had a good adjustment.  While I have little doubt muscle memory will yank things back to the familiar position, if not later today, probably in my sleep, I know that what I have done once, I can do again, and I can train new muscle memories.

I will win or die trying.

Funny note - I did freak out one of the new lifeguards that didn't know about the chronic dislocations.  It was kinda cute.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Breathe Right?

Okay, major changes happening around both shoulder, the neck, and head, such that my upper back now seizes when I screw up and let muscle memory revert and tweak all sorts of muscles.  I am both sore and in pain.

This said, a new noticeable change has occurred.  I don't know if it is permanent, or will become so, but whatever...

When I achieve certain posture (one the current movements seem to lead towards), I perceive the air entering my nose now differently.  I have always only ever known (one exception for another time) the feeling of the air passing by my nostrils, as if moving upward, parallel to my face.  Now, I feel it enter inward, I the nose above the nostrils, perpendicular to my face.  There is substantially more air flow, as well.

Perhaps some day  I will no longer be a mouth breather . . .

I could add more, but I just hurt too much.  The basic record has been made.