Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Four Corners (or Clear On It's Face or Facially Apparent)

[Big changes in the upper torso, but this one is to document a change in my face I find hard to explain.]

It is like a muscle slid to the side (in very painful fashion while yawning, then adjusting my jaw) and suddenly my cheek bones are more pronounced, the flesh beneath them allowed to drop into place, creating depression between my cheek bones and my mouth.

The sinus is open on that side now as well.

*     *     *     *     *

So much muscle is moving up my upper torso.

Unfortunately, I can't list all the details as I'd like.  It's safe to say I am developing a set of back muscles.  In turn, they are allowing my shoulders to lift higher, letting some of those portions I believe have been trapped or kinked to release.

It's been too overwhelming to really consider the extent of this progress.  It's just too much.

I am optimistic on one front, most of all.  The muscle building at the back of the base of my neck is allowing significant extension to the back of the neck.  I can keep my head in a more proper posture, rather than cricked.

Had hoped to write more.  Hopefully I can map out some of what is going on better later.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

An After-Life Possibility

[As promised, here comes my latest idea, an interesting possibility, not entirely fictional given recent quantum physics discoveries concerning cause and effect.  A note first, however, on Maya, my 14 year old lab/boxer, she had a grand mal seizure last night.  Urine and anal gland secretion all over the floor, she had collapsed and begun the leg spasms while I lay across her to keep her stable.  When she came to, she panicked, I believe more because she urinated in the house than because of the experience.  My daughter took it well, as did I.  I've known her end was soon coming for some time.  I think the reality hit my wife hard, though.  She was in that - "Sure she's dying, but it will be 2-3 more years" type of denial.  I guess it still may, but it would not be a good bet.  I doubt she'll make winter, which will leave me, trapped in a house with a small dog I don't really get along with.  Joy.]

*     *     *     *     *

Okay, this will be quick, or not.  I just want to get the idea out there.

First, the assumptions.

(1) A soul exists which contains some type of will.

Note this really assumes a few things, but we don't need to dive very deeply into them.  I do believe in a soul, at least of sorts.  I think some energy is zooming around inside us, oscillating, more likely. 

I do think it just as possible, however, that such a soul lacks a will.  This is to say, after death, this energy would be more an an echo of the self than a being.  It would continue to oscillate as it did within the body, but now free of that mortal prison.  As such, it would not really think or make choices.  Of course, an argument can be made that we do not really think or make choices either, so I guess I'll let that go for now.

All that matters for this theory is that a soul of sorts continues.  It was you.  It has your memories.  Let's consider it a butterfly that remembers life as a caterpillar.

(2) Time is not at all what we perceive it to be.

Here, I do not wish to go back into the cause and effect quantum physics ramifications.  Rather, just admit we do not understand time.

The reality we experience is bound by our linear perception, one moment after the other.

Could it be this experience, the linear perception of time,  is a result of our physical form?

*     *     *     *     *

So, the theory - The soul is not bound by time.

Think of it as a Cat's Cradle situation.  The soul, once free of the body, is no longer stuck in time.  It can revisit, and possibly even re-experience, the lifetime just experienced from a new perspective, any portion or specific moment it wishes.

It may or may not be bound to it's lifetime, but let's entertain that it is not, meaning you may visit the lives of your ancestors or even the lives of your descendants.  If so, then your ancestors and descendants may also currently be visiting you.

Kinda cool.

*     *     *     *     *

Sure, it is simply an idea. 

However, when I thought of it, I got the chills, well, a type of them I get once on a while, a euphoric tingling sensation throughout my body.  It made me burst out laughing mid-sentence.

I had been discussing Maya's imminent death with my wife and how we may approach the topic with our daughter.  I don't believe in telling my daughter there is one right religion.  I take the "lots of people think different things" approach, and note that they are all possible.  So, while running some of the "possibilities" by my wife, the about idea hit me, with the chills, and then the laughter.

*     *     *     *     *

Why did I laugh?

Well, my mind works pretty quick sometimes, and I also saw the possibility that that euphoric chill was a sensation one may perceive as your own soul revisits a moment within your body, when it tries to experience the moment once again.

For example, I've had something much like that feeling when performing in my youth, on stage, trumpet in hand, as I nail a solo standing separate from the rest of the jazz band.  Or when I jumped off a cliff into Cleo's Bath for the first time.  Or when I had my first hallucinogen influenced giggle fits.  All very pleasant moments I would like to revisit if I could.

Perhaps I still get to.

But I took that thought a bit further during that split second realization.  Perhaps my future soul was revisiting my current self at the precise moment I first had the idea, standing in the kitchen talking with my wife, as a means of telling myself the idea was correct!

*     *     *     *     *

Sure, more likely than not, it was a product of the discussion, some type of adrenaline release, similar to what happens when you watch your favorite part of a movie (like when Andy Duphrain is not in his cell, or when Babe shuts up the crowd).

Then again, maybe that's just your soul revisiting those favorite movie moments.

A nice thought, no?  It made me laugh.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Struggles, Joy, and Fear

The roller coaster keeps souring high and diving low.

Same as it has been, my cycle continues.  It gets really hard before a breakthrough, followed by a few good days, or a good day, or a good couple of hours anyways, then back to the struggle.

Each time, I have reason to think things are getting better, for the most part.

*     *     *     *     *

The summer has not been what I had hoped.

I was supposed to run and swim, and maybe lose some weight.

Instead, the setbacks seemed to stack up.  Then, I'd have time with my daughter where I'd choose her over rehab (but it is not like other muscle systems didn't get work trying to keep up with her).  Then, the puppy.

I'll go on record that it was either the wrong time for a puppy or the wrong puppy, one of the two, maybe both.

I was not doing nearly as well as I thought, nor was ready for the demands of puppy initiations.  On top of it, I don't click with the dog.  I can enjoy playing with her, but I think the mindset of the small dog is just non-compatible with me.  I like a bigger dog.

Perhaps when she gets older, things will work better.  For now, though, she's lucky she's cute.

*     *     *     *     *

The ear infections were relentless earlier this summer.  I still believe the adjustments were the root cause.  Swelling, so much swelling, the pain was overbearing at times.

Now, a new worry, I have a small lump under the armpit.

It HAS to be from all the hyperextensions and subluxations, right?

It is only a discomfort, though very sore initially.  And only three days, yet I have not gone to the doctor.  My personal physician in on vacation and I am not up for explaining everything to someone new.  Dumb, I know.  Dumb.

It can be so many things, so many that are not bad.  Still, I fear.

*     *     *     *     *

I have to believe it is from last Tuesday.  I spent six hours out with my daughter at the State Fair.  It was a very good day.

She rode ride after ride.  We did the Farris Wheel, the biggest one.  I got to soak up so many smiles and squeals of happiness out of her.

Sure, I was a wreck afterwards, spending most of the last two days in bed, much of it worried over the suddenly swollen gland under my armpit.

But damn, it was a good day.  I've had so few in so long.  No way would I give it back.  I have far too few of them with my daughter.  Her mother does most, nearly all, outings with her.

Maybe it's not that dumb, giving it some more time before a doctor visit.  The swelling has gone down, after all.

*     *     *     *     *

Still, this tale will either continue as normal, random updates that don't really do much more than get me typing, with the occasional rant or ramble into things I think about (I have a neat one I came up with the other night which I'll probably write about soon regarding the soul after death).  OR, this could turn into something I had hoped it would not, a living obituary.

I long feared I would get to a position near normalcy, only to then end up fighting the ills people normally get to fight.  If it were not for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all, the saying goes.

But we shall see . . .

Maybe it's just another trough.  Maybe I'm on the verge of another breakthrough.  Maybe, just like the lymph node swelling near my ear, this one is because of the adjustments, as I theorize.  I sure hope so.

Things have been hard.  There is still a good 2-3 months of warm weather left.  Maybe I'll get my chance to jog and swim with regularity yet.  And lose some of this weight!