Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Too Loose To Sleep

Things are becoming very worrisome.  I am so loose, my center of gravity changes, often splits, near constantly.  It results in knots of sorts forming in my upper torso, and great pain.

It is worse when I let down my guard, when I try to relax, when I sleep.

So, I have not rested much this past week.  I have slept a maximum of 4 hours a night, sometimes less than two, and I am spent.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

So Low

Physically, I am a mess.  I am more unstable than ever, and it is near impossible to sleep.

Mentally, I have been even worse.

There had been a measure of solace in my predicament, having hope for the society around me being a decent place to leave my child.  Trump, his cabinet appointments, and his ignorant followers put that hope to rest.

I still entertain daydreams of getting better, and becoming able to fight this corporate takeover.  They don't last long.

Sure, I still make "progress," with adjustments that seem to unwind long embedded kinks, but the subsequent experiences are hours of feeling like I am balancing on a hundred pogo sticks, one on top of the other.  To relax at all, to rest for one moment, brings them crashing down and hours of pain.

I don't manage to balance on them long.

So much I'd like to write, on my situation and what I am still learning, on the rest of the world and priorities, but I'm done, in multiple ways.