Friday, March 13, 2015

New High, New Low

Fuck.

The changes and adjustments continued yesterday, after that > felt it straightened and things started shifting.

This morning, it dawned on me to measure myself.  I didn't feel taller, but I was curious.

Sure enough.  I was just slightly taller than ever, and a good 1/4 inch taller than I had been in the few times I have measured myself over the past few years, just over 5'11".

Enter panic.

*     *     *     *     *

As one can see, I used to document changes when they happened.  I was reasonably diligent.  If I could physically get to the keyboard or the physical journal, I was documenting changes as best I could.

I knew they were subjective, for the most part, when not describing visible outwardly changes, but I still felt that perhaps some day in the future the sensations would make sense to others objectively, at least as possibilities.

I was motivate.

*     *     *     *     *

Over time, I lost my motivation.

I don't care about proving myself right, or even just finding which aspects of my theories are right.  I want to stop hurting.

I am tired.

*     *     *     *     *

So, with a new increase in height, albeit slight, my first thought was a bad one.  Not again.

I can't go through the agony that followed previous height increases again.  I won't.

*     *     *     *     *

A hope remains, I suppose.  The increased pain (presumably from tensions and tweaks) which have plagued me the past few months, which I presumed to be due to Winter cold and a lack of swimming, could have been a precursor to the change in height, more than those previous times had post adjustment pains which were subjectively so much greater than the status quo.

I can only hope.

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