It hurts, but an amount I can handle. The problem is that the sharp, unhandleable pains come the moment I take my mind off keeping them in a certain position in relation to each other. If I allow one to move as muscle memory wants, the other screams, loudly.
Basically, I can do little tasks, like type a sentence, with focus, but I do not have much intellectual processing capabilities regarding thought.
So, here is the scene from an hour ago (make that 1.5 hours as this took a long time to type):
* * * * *
I'm standing in the sun and high winds outside trying to find a way to unfold myself, when the wife comes out to ask if I can watch the kid while she goes out for a massage.
"Yes," I tell her, but then I wanted to explain more. I wanted to let her know the above section, that I am clear headed mentally (not blinded by pain as is sometimes the case) and can do all the little tasks which supervising a seven year old can entail.
But I couldn't form the thoughts to then speak them, not without needing to refocus on the body to avoid the sharp pains.
She stood waiting for me to continue.
After a minute of false starts, my thoughts reached the point of realizing that I was not so capable of communicating, but could still watch the kid. So, I raised a finger and said, "let me try to explain one thing," as we entered the house.
Then I was stuck again.
As she waited.
At which point I busted out laughing.
"THIS!" I motioned all around. "I can do stuff. I just can't communicate well."
* * * * *
I have no idea if she understands what I meant. She's out getting a massage. The kid is napping.
I am now left wondering if she, too, saw the humor in me trying to articulate that I was having trouble articulating anything. I found the moment funny.
She likely just wanted to get going and get a massage. Lord only knows what she thinks of me at this point.
Anyways, this was a snapshot of a moment, comically similar to many of my struggles with expressing myself.