It's X-Mas Eve.
Spent the day with 2 extra kids, all behaved extremely well, a surprise. Must be that last second naughty list possibility that keeps them on their toes.
Regardless, it wiped me out in a big way, not being able to rest during the day.
* * * * *
Around 5 O'clock, when the kids were picked up, I tried to relax in the hot tub. It was impossible. All I could do was unwind, literally. The weightlessness of the water made it hard not to let the arms, hips and neck adjust.
A great deal shifted. A Gestalt attempt to describe: mass/muscle went under-behind-then atop the right shoulder; mass/muscle went in front-atop-then behind the left; The right front of my throat (muscle beneath the skin, connected(?) to trachea) was swallowed, allowed to drop, letting my entire head tilt forward slightly.
I am incredibly uncomfortable, both arms seemingly requiring me to send the inverse of signals to them in order to do something without sharp pain.
I'd go the pain pills and pot route and try to go to sleep, but family is here. On the bright side, they are all women. Being the lone mail, it is no problem to be out on the periphery, rarely chipping in and able to slip behind a corner to sublux a limb as needed.
* * * * *
Nothing like a quick partial dislocation to speed up the process of unwinding, except when you go the wrong way. Not fun, it's only happened a few times tonight.
And yes, the egomanical imagination is allowed to run wild in those moments between pain and involuntary continued attempts to right wrongs. I think, "Wouldn't it be cool if I finished tonight."
Of course, I have this thought every night, but the holidays and birthdays and numerologically interesting dates always make me push just a little bit more than I otherwise would.
* * * * *
I wouldn't mind the daydreaming. I used to do it to endure, after all. Yet, now, it usually interferes with focus and actually slows my progress. I can't come anywhere near the Mindfulness techniques of meditation I used to be able to do. I'm fried.
Although, in truth, sometimes I start exercising and adjusting and two hours go by and I haven't had more than a few thoughts I can remember. So, perhaps I'm doing a better job of meditating. That, or my memory is shot, too.
What was I writing about?