Monday, November 4, 2013

I'm Back, and Winter Is Coming with Me

I have so much I could try to explain.

The muscle development in my back, touched upon earlier, has continued at a rate which feels exponential.

One true positive occurred while meeting with my Rhuematologist.  I described the two portions of muscle I was becoming able of flexing in my lower back, one on each side of my spine, and she matter of factly stated in a 'continue, please' type tone, "as it should."

I nearly broke down in tears.

Let me be clear.  I have been as close to certain as one can be that I have been doing something right all these years.  I have been as close to certain as one can be that this latest muscle development in my lower back was right.  Yet, I did not know it was right.

I finally have some measure of confirmation.

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This does not at all mean things have been rosy.  I am a mess.

The muscle development in my lower back has created slack (for lack of a better word) in both shoulders and hips.  It has lead to changes in my jaw, head, and face that I cannot keep up with.  Dizziness and ear aches are commonplace.  My swallowing difficulties reappear worse than ever for a day or two, then vanish entirely.

And it is starting to get cold . . . .

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I am genuinely fearful of the months ahead.  When I do not continue to strengthen everywhere, parts get behind, things get very difficult, and I become riddled with pain and discomfort.

The colder it gets, the more difficult it is to relax and/or identify muscle groups needing work.

This is to say, when not cold, I can meditate my way from flexing these "new to me" back muscles to where they extend to by connections, my core, my limbs, my neck, even my groin.  Cold, I'm lucky to extend and work one area.  Others go unidentified, creating more unbalance, more . . . difficulties.

This is on top of just plain miserable physical conditions as the temperature drops.  Sleep becomes near impossible.

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At the end of last Winter, I hoped I would not go through another while still adjusting.  It was a miserable experience.  Now, I face one with much more significant adjustments happening almost daily.

This will be bad, and I am having a hard time knowing it is on the horizon.

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