* * * * *
I weighed myself today to discover I had gained 5 pounds over this Summer. That's more than a first. Previous Summers had been getting worse because I had been losing less weight, last year only 12 pounds. That is a 17 pound swing compared to my worst summer in a decade (probably ever).
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The combination of no Adderall, more pain, and worsening of the joints has completely kicked my ass.
I am limping to the finish line.
* * * * *
While there was some progress, it can't make up for the steps backwards. It just can't.
I am failing.
My despair is such that I even managed to take a wrong turn while trying to bike home from the pool today.
The body is gone. The brain is shot, and I don't even got liquor's satisfaction anymore. :(
* * * * *
I find myself adding things up, more and more. I want to die. I am tired of this.
Will I? probably not, by my own hand, at least. Stubborn, stupid, and afraid, I'll limp (or be wheeled, more likely) to the finish line.
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