A New Breakthrough

Just as things were at an all time low, I had a breakthrough.

I can't say if it was out of desperation, or simply on faith in what I am doing, but I "rode" some sensations, inward, into my core, into my torso.  It did some changes, ones I always feared I may need to do, ones I fear I am not done with yet.

These changes in my torso, some serious shifting, had dramatic effects on shoulders, hips, and neck.  In fact, I became focused on the neck, a type I can not yet articulate, but which centered on breathing through the nose with the back of the nasal passages elongated (if that makes sense).

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I did this both before and during my swim yesterday.  Things just got plain weird.

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Then, today, back at the pool, my pectorals were sore during this newly found breast stroke.

I cannot stress this enough,  I don't know that they have ever before been sore.  I don't know that I ever before used them, at least not properly, hopefully in a position near where they are supposed to be.

This means that my previous breast stroke, one which used so much leverage from improper muscles (and one which the local swim adult swim coach still wanted me for his relay team because it was fast!), was ALL WRONG!

There is no way for me to know how RIGHT things are now, but it was a moment of progress when one was sorely needed.

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I am so very tired.  I am far too exhausted to write out all the changes to various limbs, however useful it may become in time, to understand better what I have done / am doing.

I'm just spent.

I even refused a hug from my kid a few minutes ago.  I'm in that much pain, everywhere.

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One thing worth noting, regarding the hip changes, the left leg is moving a lot in relation to the hip.  So much so, it becomes quite difficult to walk.  I become unable to put any weight on it at all.  Then, when it settles into place (along with other torso changes), it suddenly can walk, though quite stiffly and sore.

I may be reaching a stage I long hoped would NOT happen, because of how difficult it would be.

Hopefully, I overestimated how hard it would be while I underestimated how hard it was to get here.  I genuinely believe this to be possible.  Things may snowball as muscles build while in their proper position (or close to it) as compared to the strengthening which happened out of position (as if working out with dislocated limbs, wait, oh yeah, that's exactly what I have been doing!).

It better start getting easier, or at least gain some momentum.  Otherwise, I'm fucked.